My Journey to 150

It has to be pound by pound, but I am determined to get down to 150. That's a whopping 92.5 pounds to go as of today. Don't get me wrong - I love my babies more than anything and I would have gained a thousand pounds if it meant that they were safe and sound, but being pregnant really took a toll on my body and I am currently the most upset, depressed, grossed out and stressed I've ever been about my weight. I can't ever remember a day that I didn't think about my weight. Ever since I was a little girl, my weight has been an issue. The funny thing is that when I look back at pictures from high school (when I thought I was GIGANTIC) I see an amazingly beautiful girl. I wish I was her all over again; I wish I could go back in time and shake her to her senses and tell her how gorgeous she is; make her realize that every minute she wastes thinking about her weight and her body is a minute she uses on feeding her fears; becoming less confident; beating herself down.

I know that I won't lose 20 lbs in a week; this is going to be a pound by pound journey. It's going to be a long one too, but I can not beat myself up anymore. I have to have the confidence to know that I can make it; that I can be the woman I want to be and not just in looks or in weight, but in confidence and self acceptance. I have to make this the first day of a new life.

So here's what I did today on my journey to 150: yardwork for 45 mins; the gym for 1.5 hours (2 classes); and no carbs. The first class was a killer. It was step aerobics for 45 mins and while I didn't get all of the moves, after not having been to the gym consistently for almost a year, I did pretty damn well! I sweated my ass off and it was great. The next class was OK. I wasn't thrilled with the instructor; she just seemed a bit off, but the important part is that I still stayed. Ok so my butt and gutt don't feel too much different today, but I did it!!!