Day 2

I did not weigh myself today. In order to face the reality that my body will not change over night, I had to fight the desire to get on the scale to see what yesterday's results were. I have to start looking for daily results in places other than the scale. So where to look today?? I feel really good about this whole new approach thing. To be honest, and I know I'll have to be along this journey, I consciously knew that I would not lose all of my 92.5 pounds in one day, but every morning when I stepped on the scale I was looking for some kind of payoff. I was looking to be one pound less and when it wasn't, it was like a free ticket to do whatever I wanted because obviously the previous day wasn't worth it.

I feel like something has clicked and I really realized that this is not going to be over in day. 52 weeks from now I'd like to be pretty darn close to my goal of 150 pounds. At 2 pounds a week that would put me at 140 pounds. Setting my goal is the part I struggle with. According to my BMI and to charts (which I've never really paid too much attention to), 150 is a healthy BMI for my height. That's 92.5 pounds and 140 pounds would be 104 pounds. When I look at myself, I realize that I am overweight and that I need to lose a significant amount of weight, but 104 pounds, heck even 92.5 pounds seems like a lot. I don't want to cut myself short and say I'll only lose 30 pounds, but 104 seems like so much. I guess admitting that I have that much to lose is part of the struggle of setting a goal. I wish there was a way around setting a number goal, but there just doesn't seem like there is. I could say that I want to get healthier and more active and it would be true, but it's not the whole truth. The reality is that I want to lose weight - a lot of weight and in order to get there I will need to be healthier and more active and be much more honest with myself.

That's the point of this whole thing I guess; to be more honest with myself. If I can write out what I feel every day and what I do every day to help me get to my goal, then maybe, just maybe, I can finally overcome this lifelong hurdle.

7/15 - No carbs again. I did a lot today before I ate and I know that it's not the healthiest way to go, but things just get in the way. I also went for a 30 min walk this morning with the boys. I walked hard and sweated my ass off. I chose not to run every other block like I did last week because I know that when I run, I tend to walk a bit more slowly on the blocks when I have to walk. So I walked hard pretty much the whole time. When I came home I also did 10 push ups; 15 of three different types of bicep curls; and 15 of 3 different types of triceps.

The hope is to go for a walk again later - doubt I'll make it to the gym with no one to watch the boys and that's ok. I just have to really go for the second walk and really push myself.