I love my babies

I can't believe they are almost 2 weeks old. I really do feel like my water just broke this morning and that we just got them, and then on the other hand it really feels like they have been here all along. I'll be very honest here - it was really hard to be head over heels in love with them right away. I was exhausted, in pain, swollen, overwhelmed and unbelievably frustrated with breast feeding that I had a really hard time bonding with them right away. Now that I'm not BF'ing and I've tried to calm down and take a "wait and see" approach to pumping, I really feel like I'm able to really enjoy them soooo much more. My heart absolutely melts everytime I see them and I actually don't dread feeding times - well except the 4 am one, but who wouldn't resent that!

In retrospect, I wish I hadnt stuck so hard to my breastfeeding routine in the hospital. It wasnt working then and I dont know why I didnt see that it wasnt. I feel like I really missed out on their first few days, but now just thinking about that, it makes it a whole lot easier to look at this pumping situation from different eyes. Yes feeding them breast milk is important to me, but not being a good mom for ANY reason is just not acceptable to me. I have to be able to more than feed them and if all I can focus on is their meals then I am not focusing on loving them as much as I can. Just realizing that fact alone makes me a better mommy and that is the most important thing to me! OMG I can't believe I'm a mommy!!! How crazy is that?!?!