Flip-flop

After the ER I was so hopeful. We got such a great result that I was on such a high thinking that this is going to work. Then when I had a 3dt instead of a 5 dt I lost it; I was a total pessimist. After doing some research, I was then confident about this whole process. My boobs were on fire and my p4 was sky high and I was really confident. Well, yesterday I just had this overwhelming premonition that this is not going to work. I'm not sure if that's just me talking myself into it for self-preservation purposes or what but yesterday was defintely an all time low. And I can't really talk to Jamie about it becuase I don't want to bring him down and he just tells me to calm down and stay positive. I wish I could.

Last night I had a dream though that I did a HPT and it was positive. Maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me something. I just wish there was some way to get through this part. I know Jamie doesn't want me to test, but I think I will on Thursday morning. I can't imagine waiting for the call on Friday afternoon from the doctors not knowing what they are going to tell me. It's funny because I really thought this whole process proved to me just how strong I am, but now here in the 2 ww I feel like a cfhild leaving their mom on the first day of school.