The F*&%ing 2ww

Even though it's actually only like a week (less than a week at this point) I absolutely hate it. Every little cramp, flutter, twinge and pull makes me crazy. It's simple: I just want to know what the future hold; that isn't too much is it? What kills me is that I'm looking for signs that I know I've never experienced before. I've been pregnant twice (ughhhh) and neither time did I experience any signs or symptoms, yet here I am trying to analyze everything as if I have some special talent or something. And my fucking boobs. They are on fire, probably because my progesterone is over 39 which, don't get me wrong, is great, but they hurt soooo bad.

I know that we have great chances here. We transferred 2 perfect quality embryos and we are still young and healthy and it was just such a great cycle that it HAS to work. On the other hand, when I think about thaking a HPT or going in for my beta, all I can envision is a stark white panel or a conversation ending in I'm sorry; I know you wanted it to turn out differently. But I can't tell if it is my intuition that is making me feel that or if it's just this past year and a half of utter disapointment. I'm hoping it's just that I've been conditioned to think this way and that it's nothing more than the pessimist in me.

I also can't shake the feeling that this might actually work. This is what should be happening today: Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining. The past day or so I've had some cramps and twinges and I can't help but think that this is why. I guess I could go back and forth like this forever and I'd still just have to wait until next week.