Starting to get nervous

Knowing that the clock is ticking, I feel like I'm starting to get overwhelmed. I mean I could go into labor any minute and while I know I'll be ok when they get here - OMG they could be here any minute. I'm not sure if I can put my finger on what is making me nervous but there are just so many things.

What will I feel like after they get here? While I still think a c-section is the best choice for me and the babies, I am totally freaking out over it. The epidural is freaking me out. I'm worried it will hurt, but then I think of all the stuff I've been through to get to this point and how scared I was at each new step along the way and I realize that I've gotten through it so I should be fine. I guess it's just the fear of the unknown. I know that my recovery after the c-section mght be pretty bad, but it could also be pretty ok so I'm not quite sure how to feel about it. The funny thing is that for years I've been ok seeing c-sections on tv shows and whatnot - thinking that doesn't look too bad - but knowing that it will be my belly cut wide open is a few weeks terrifies me all of a sudden. And I know Jamie will be great with it all, but I am nervous about how he'll handle everything with me and the babies once they get here. I just hope I feel well soon.

What if the babies are difficult? I just don't know how I'll tackle it all. I know we just have to take it all one step at a time, but just thinking of all the possible things that could go wrong is really killing me. I never even thought about NICU time, but what if? What if something is wrong with them even if they do wait until 37 wks? It's just too much to even think about so I guess up until this point I haven't thought about it and now that it is soooo close the sheer thought of it alone is overwhelming.

And even though I'm terrified of all of this, I can't help but be beyond excited. I can't wait for my sons to be here. Still can't wrap my head around it all, but I am so excited for this all to happen.

We went for our LAST growth scan on Friday 3/20 and baby a was estimated at 5 lbs 6 oz and baby b was estimated at 4 lbs 15 oz - so it looks like the chunky baby gods are on our side. Now it's just a matter of waiting for their lungs to be developed enough for me to be ok with them coming. I want them here when they are ready, but I would be lying if I didn't say I want them out!! It's getting really tough physically to do this and I will give it my all, but sooner rather than later would be great. Dr. T wants to take me off of the terbutaline at 36 wks at which point Dr. G thinks I'll go into labor - so I'm interested to see if that changes Dr. T's plan. I see him again on Monday so I guess we'll know at that point.

I just can't believe that we are at the point of talking about when they'll be here - and it's right around the corner. How exciting, terrifying, exhiliaritng and amazing all at the same time :)