Remembering the old and starting anew

Today marks the one year anniversary of my miscarriage and I feel more alone than ever. I should have a 6 month old baby to keep me occupied and instead I have a drawer full of needles (which surprisingly scare the crap out of me) and meds to pass the time. I thought of planting a tree or a garden for my baby, but the thought of watching something else grow and not my baby is just too painful. I'm going to try and get through the day without too many tears. I'll be watching my godson so I'm surehe'll fill the day with laughter.

On the new front... holy meds batman. They came last night and it was truly overwhelming. There was a lot of stuff that I didn't even know about and I was a little confused as to what they were for. I know it will all work out and I really need to be postive and CHOOSE to believe that this will work. But I can't hide how scared I am that it might not work. It's just a feeling that I can't not acknowledge and I know no one else wants to hear it, so I'm stuck in my head all alone with it. Hopefully the acupuncture will help it go away.

So much happens in a year. I didn't ever picture us at this point, yet here we are: all alone tyring to do the one thing that seems so simple for most peopel but may as well be brain surgery for us.