Baby Shower tomorrow!!! Yay!!!

On the one hand, I'm very excited. I can't wait to see everyone celebrate these babies like we have been for the last 7 months. On the other hand, I just can't wait for it to be over. I'm soo soo tired of hearing mom bitch about what it's costing and what people are going and what people have gotten me and her defending my SIL and talking about when my nephew will be dropped off only to hear me say that I really don't want him there before 330. I think sometimes I just get so overwhelmed by her that I can't take it anymore. She gets herself so involved and I know she means well but it's too much sometimes. I just can't hear her stories anymore about how we need to get the wagon ready for the wishing well and how she'll put a bottle of baby wash in there so that everyone knows that it's the wishing well. Ughh - like people are idiots or something. Then to make things worse, she calls yesterday to give the place the final count and then there was a cancellation from jamie's side of the family and I know she's just going to bitch about it all day long. I love her to death and that's why I never say anything to her, but oh dear lord there is only so much more I can take. I just want to be happy around her and not so moody or pissy, bc I just know she's going to do or say something that will piss me off.

Some random thoughts

Now that I'm almost 30 wks, the idea of actually having two children (not just being pregnant with them) is an idea that has been overwhelming me quite a bit. It's weird to say it, but for the last 10 wks or so, maybe even more, I have been pretty complacent with the pregnancy. I've settled into its routine and been very happy with the uneventfulness of everything. The boys and I are doing so well that I've actually found it in myself to actually relax about things being ok. I do worry about delivery and have worried about it in the past, but now that it is my next hurdle I think about it more and more every day. There have been a few women on the nest who have delivered early (right around where I am now) and their babies are in the NICU but they are doing well. That makes me feel a little more at ease knowing that if I went early, chances are pretty good that the boys would need a lot of help, but they would be fine.

I know it sounds stupic, but it's just been Jamie and I for so long and it's just been our routine that I'm getting nervous about how our life will be once they get here. I know things will be crazy and amazing all at the same time, but just not knowing what it's going to be like scares me. Here's a list of some of my concerns (because my OCD is telling me that if I write them all out I might feel better about them).

1. I want to BF but what if it doesn't work. What kind of formula will I use? What kind of and how many bottles will I need? What if BF'ing DOES work and I am the only one who can feed them - that overwhelms me the most!!! Will I be able to feed them both at the same time and will I ever really be able to grab a hold of the situation.


2. Where the hell is everything going to go? And I don't mean all the crap, but I mean the stuff we'll need easily at hand. I just don't know how to organize it all so that it will work for us.

3. I haven't done any reading on child and baby care. I guess it might be my coping mechanism to not getting too overwhelmed, but what if? There's part of me that just figures that we'll just do what works for us. I keep telling myself that it is going to be carzy overwhelming anyway so why bother trying to be prepared - there's no point because I know with my luck I'll be overly prepared and then when that stuff doesn't work out that will stress me out even more. Ahh that was just an epiphany moment that eased my mind a little.

I know in the grand scheme of things none of this matters and all that matters is that Me, Jamie and the boys are happy and healthy and that we get the chance to have our family.

On another not, my shower is this weekend and I'm very excited about it. I'm excited to see other people enjoy my pregnancy and celebrate it. I'm a bit overwhelmed about how much crap I will get, but I know that I will have a ton of help getting everything organized and situated. It's going to be fun :)

Ginormous!!!

I feel absolutely gigantic. When I brought up my weight to Dr. T he said that yes I was on the high end of normal but that it was nothing he was concerned about. Why do I let this bother me?? I'm up 39 lbs in 28 weeks and that just seems like so much to me. Ughhh. Well here are some pics from today (27wks 4days).

3rd Trimester :)

It is unbelievable how fast time flies. It feels like it was just July and we were just starting all this IVF craziness. The babies are doing so well too. I can not wait to meet them. They are both over 2 lbs each so I just know that they will be big and healthy when they get here.

I went for my 2nd PTL screening and everything came back great; so it seems that I should be safe for another 2 weeks. The peri said that they usually stop the PTL screening at 33 or 34 weeks and I'm on my own at that point. CRAZY!!!! 34 weeks is only 7 weeks away. I just can't wrap my head around that. I hope they cook for a bit longer than that, but 34 weeks just sounds so soon!!!

On the nursery front, we are just about done. We just have to do some finishing work and then just put everything that we get in there. My shower is only 3 weeks away so I can't wait to get everything situated. Mom has been great. She is getting really excited about the boys - it's not that she wasn't excited before but I can just tell now she feels like it's more real. Other than that, it hasn't seemed like too much of my family is all that into it. I mean I know they are, but no one calls or anything like that. I mean I don't really care becuase I know they'll be thrilled oonce the boys get here, but I'm not going to bend over backwards to accommodate them (read my father and step mother) when the boys get here.

On the exhaustion front - I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO TIRED IN MY LIFE!!!!!! I haven't sleept in about 3 weeks and for the life of me I can't get comfy for more than two hours at a time. I hope this is just a phase that I'll grow out of in a few weeks. My hips and my back hurt so much and it just makes me so frustrated that I can't sleep. I can't imagine another 10 weeks of this, but I am so thrilled about having them all to myself for another 10 wks. I have to say that no matter how exhausted I am or how much pain I'm in, I will defintely miss being pregnant with them. I know that sounds crazy, because once they are here they'll BE HERE and I can hug and kiss them and hold them. But right now they are all mine. They go with me everywhere and I keep them safe and only I can feel them move. I just know I'll miss those things when they are born.

Two painted nurseries!

So we finally painted both rooms and, get this, we actually have outlet covers!! I know I know it's the little things in life. The carpet will be installed this week hopefully and we'll be all done up there just waiting for our stuff to arrive. I think it will finally be real once there are cribs up there!

In other news, we had a growth scan yesterday and everything looks amazing. The boys are doing so well!!! Jack actually had the hiccups and I could feel them! It was so amazing. Jack was 2 lbs and Brayden was 2 lbs 2 oz. So they are getting quite large :) Now I go to the dr every wednesday it seems. I don't mind though; it's for pre-term labor screening. More peace of mind is never a bad thing. The tech turned on the 4d monitor and I have to admit I could not, for the life of me, figure out what the heck I was looking at. She pointed things out to me, but I still couldn't see it.

25 week updates

Things are going really well and while I can say that I am so happy that we're at this point, I am in such shock over how uncomfortable I am. I can't sit for too long because then my back hurts, but then when I lay down, my hips hurt. I'm starving all of the time and yet I feel worried about gaining too much weight (even though the dr's haven't said one word about it). The babies kick every day now and it is so cool to actually see their kicks through my skin. It's the best feeling in the world. I can't believe I only have about 10-12 weeks left.

In other news, my shower is all set and ready to go. It was a bit of a rollercoaster dealing with mom and MIL, but it seems like all is good now. I didn't want to be surprised and that didn't seem to sit well with mom, but I mean c'mon, it's not like I wouldn't have figured it out. With the shower set for 2/21 that leaves one month to get the rooms ready to move stuff into it. It's so crazy that I'm talking about finishing nurseries... I am so thankful to be doing all of this stuff. It's just amazing.

On the other hand, I feel totally unprepared. I know we'll figure things out along the way, but I read about people stocking up on diapers now and I think "Oh God I hadn't even thought of that". In all honesty, I hadn't thought about us buying anything until after the shower so we could see what we got and what we really need. I know I want to breastfeed, but have no clue how the heck that's going to work. Again, I know we'll figure it out along the way, but I guess just all of the things that could go wrong with breastfeeding are starting to overwhelm me already.

I started pre-term labor screening the other day and, while it wasn't pleasant at all, everything came back great. The fetal fibronectin test came back negative which means that my risk of delivering in the next two weeks is very minimal. I was also hooked up to the uterine activity monitor for a half hour and did not have one contraction (which I figure would be the case, but I have no clue what a contraction feels like so I could have been wrong). At this point it seems like the doctor appointments are just getting piled on. I know it's in my and the babies best interest, but it's alot. I have 3 appointments in the next two weeks. I guess on the upside, it's more screen time with the babies :)

23 wks

I'm not sure why I didn't start taking belly pictures earlier (I now wish I had) but I guess it was the superstitious part of me chiming in. But I finally broke down yesterday and took one. I plan on taking one every week now, but there will never be a bare belly shot. I love the belly and all, but it just so looks much cuter covered!!! Just take my word for it! Sorry for the ridiculous flash... I'll have to work on that.