Some random thoughts

Now that I'm almost 30 wks, the idea of actually having two children (not just being pregnant with them) is an idea that has been overwhelming me quite a bit. It's weird to say it, but for the last 10 wks or so, maybe even more, I have been pretty complacent with the pregnancy. I've settled into its routine and been very happy with the uneventfulness of everything. The boys and I are doing so well that I've actually found it in myself to actually relax about things being ok. I do worry about delivery and have worried about it in the past, but now that it is my next hurdle I think about it more and more every day. There have been a few women on the nest who have delivered early (right around where I am now) and their babies are in the NICU but they are doing well. That makes me feel a little more at ease knowing that if I went early, chances are pretty good that the boys would need a lot of help, but they would be fine.

I know it sounds stupic, but it's just been Jamie and I for so long and it's just been our routine that I'm getting nervous about how our life will be once they get here. I know things will be crazy and amazing all at the same time, but just not knowing what it's going to be like scares me. Here's a list of some of my concerns (because my OCD is telling me that if I write them all out I might feel better about them).

1. I want to BF but what if it doesn't work. What kind of formula will I use? What kind of and how many bottles will I need? What if BF'ing DOES work and I am the only one who can feed them - that overwhelms me the most!!! Will I be able to feed them both at the same time and will I ever really be able to grab a hold of the situation.


2. Where the hell is everything going to go? And I don't mean all the crap, but I mean the stuff we'll need easily at hand. I just don't know how to organize it all so that it will work for us.

3. I haven't done any reading on child and baby care. I guess it might be my coping mechanism to not getting too overwhelmed, but what if? There's part of me that just figures that we'll just do what works for us. I keep telling myself that it is going to be carzy overwhelming anyway so why bother trying to be prepared - there's no point because I know with my luck I'll be overly prepared and then when that stuff doesn't work out that will stress me out even more. Ahh that was just an epiphany moment that eased my mind a little.

I know in the grand scheme of things none of this matters and all that matters is that Me, Jamie and the boys are happy and healthy and that we get the chance to have our family.

On another not, my shower is this weekend and I'm very excited about it. I'm excited to see other people enjoy my pregnancy and celebrate it. I'm a bit overwhelmed about how much crap I will get, but I know that I will have a ton of help getting everything organized and situated. It's going to be fun :)